8 Strategies for Working with Grieving Children

On the last track we discussed delayed grief work.  We discussed how grief gets delayed and techniques for delayed grief work.  Three techniques we discussed are talking, cemetery visits, and drawing. 

On this track we will discuss resolving childhood grief as an adult.  The two main topics regarding resolving childhood grief as an adult on this track are latent signs of childhood grief and why childhood grief spills into adulthood.

This track can also serve as a resource for determining negative ways for dealing with grief in children, such as overlooking or discounting.  If the parent or guardian of a grieving child you are treating fails to see the importance of grief work, you might consider playing this track for or relating the case study to him or her. 

Two Topics Regarding Childhood Grief

Topic #1 - Latent Signs of Childhood Grief
First, let’s discuss some of the latent signs of childhood grief. As you will see with David, in some cases latent signs of childhood grief can have a direct impact on the client’s life as an adult.  David, age 29, had experienced the death of a close friend at age 12. David’s friend, Jason, had been struck and killed by a train. David had attended Jason’s funeral, but his mother never spoke to him about Jason’s death. Later David found out that Jason may have been pushed in front of the train by another of his friends. David never spoke to anyone about how he felt regarding Jason’s death or the possibility that foul play could have been involved. 

As an adult, David struggled with the latent signs of childhood grief. David stated, "I have trouble trusting people. All of my intimate relationships seem to end because I can’t bring myself to trust anyone. Also, from time to time, I feel guilty or get angry over stupid things." At a later session, David revealed his experience regarding the death of his friend, Jason.  I stated to David, "Your painful memories of death at such an early age may be the reason you have a fear of abandonment which leads to your trouble forming intimate bonds."

I have found that additional latent signs of childhood grief may also include abnormal concern regarding death, funerals, or losses of various kinds that are not directly related to the client. Have you treated a grieving client who is showing latent signs of childhood grief? Are you currently treating a grieving child who otherwise may have carried grief with them into adulthood?

Topic #2 - Why Childhood Grief Spills into Adulthood
As a resource for determining negative ways for dealing with grief, we will discuss why childhood grief spills into adulthood.  As David experienced, if a child cannot openly communicate his or her feelings regarding a death or circumstances surrounding it, childhood grief may spill into adulthood.   

David stated, "I don’t know why my mom never talked to me about Jason’s death.  It was pretty traumatic for me.  I walked to his funeral alone.  When I got home, I was in tears.  I felt embarrassed." 

Three Reasons Why Childhood Spills Over
-- Reason 1 - For David, the lack of communication between himself and his mother caused him to be ashamed of his grief.  With no support, David carried his grief with him for 17 years. 
-- Reason 2 - As you know, discounting is a second reason why childhood grief spills into adulthood. 
-- Reason 3 - A third reason why childhood grief spills into adulthood that I have found may be related to a parent’s grief. 

If the parent of a grieving child is consumed with their own grief, they overlook the child’s grief and fail to see how shattered their children are, or how much they need to express their grief.  Think of your David, either at the age of 12 or 29.  Does he or she need help to express his or her grief?  If so, you might consider the Reliving an Early Death Experience technique. 

Technique: Reliving an Early Death Experience
To help David’s early death experience become less burdensome and more acceptable, I used the Reliving an Early Death Experience technique.  This technique is a visualization exercise which may require more than one session. 
-- Step # 1 - In the Reliving an Early Death Experience technique, the first step is for the client to get comfortable and close his or her eyes. To help David focus, I used a deep breathing exercise probably similar to the one that you use. 
-- Step # 2 - The second step was for David to think about what his life was like when he was twelve. I encouraged David to focus on positive and negative childhood memories and the people in his life. 
-- Step # 3 - In addition to closing his eyes and focusing on his childhood, the third step in the Reliving an Early Death Experience technique is to focus on the person who died. Asking the client questions during this step can help you understand the client’s relationship to the deceased. During this step, David relived some of his memories regarding games he used to play with Jason and jokes the two boys used to share.  
-- Step # 4 -The fourth step was for David to focus on his life in the period following his friend’s death. David explained the funeral in detail and mentioned a friend who had withdrawn socially following Jason’s death.  
-- Step # 5 - Finally, in addition to closing his eyes, focusing on his childhood, focusing on the person who died, and focusing on his life in the period following his friend’s death, the fifth step in the Reliving an Early Death Experience technique was for David to think about what parts of his early death experience have influenced his life as an adult. 

David once again mentioned his feelings of guilt and anger, as well as his fear of abandonment.  However, at a later session, David stated, "I feel like Reliving my Early Death Experience helped me gain insight as to why I feel and act the way I do sometimes."  Understanding himself better helped David begin resolving his childhood grief. 

Do you have a client like David who could benefit from the Reliving an Early Death Experience technique?  Could you use some of the information on this track to treat a grieving child or to help parents of a grieving child see the importance of grief work?

On this track we have discussed resolving childhood grief as an adult.  The two main topics regarding resolving childhood grief as an adult on this track are latent signs of childhood grief and why childhood grief spills into adulthood.

This material was written by Tracy Appleton, LCSW, MEd and the reference listed below was used as a resource:
- Kaufman, K. R., & Kaufman, N. D. (2005). Childhood Mourning: Prospective Case Analysis of Multiple Losses. Death Studies, 29(3), 237-249. doi:10.1080/0748118059091636

This CD set has covered such topics as: 3 types of denial, diffusing anger, relief from guilt, murder affecting grieving children, melancholic features, fear, change, adjustment, parental guidelines for trauma, hyperactivity resulting from loss, grief and explaining separation, displacement reactions, delayed grief work, and resolving childhood grief as an adult.

I hope you have found the information to be both practical and beneficial. We appreciate that you've chosen the Healthcare Training Institute as a means for receiving your continuing education credit.

Other Home Study Courses we offer include: Treating Teen Self Mutilation; Treating Post Holiday Let-Down and Depression; Living with Secrets: Treating Childhood Sexual Trauma; Interventions for Anxiety Disorders with Children and Adults; and Balancing the Power Dynamic in the Therapeutic Relationship. 

I wish you the best of luck in your practice. Thank you.  Consider us for future home study needs.

Peer-Reviewed Journal Article References:
Review of Life & loss: A guide to help grieving children (2000). [Review of the book Life & loss: A guide to help grieving children (2nd ed.), by L. Goldman]. Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 21(3), 141. 

Saler, L., & Skolnick, N. (1992). Childhood parental death and depression in adulthood: Roles of surviving parent and family environment. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 62(4), 504–516.

Stutey, D. M., Helm, H. M., LoSasso, H., & Kreider, H. D. (2016). Play therapy and photo-elicitation: A narrative examination of children’s grief. International Journal of Play Therapy, 25(3), 154–165. 

QUESTION 14
What are the two main topics regarding resolving childhood grief as an adult? To select and enter your answer go to Test.