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In
the last track we discussed the power imbalance questions of meta-messages and
cause and effect logic.
In this track we'll talk about power imbalance questions
of Responsibility and Symbiosis vs. Independence in Relationships.
4 Power Imbalance Questions (Continued)
Question #3 - Responsibility
After Christy and I discussed Cause and Effect Logic, we explored Power-Imbalance
Question #3, which addresses responsibility of emotions. I asked her, "It
sounds like you make Jason responsible for your feelings. Does that sound accurate?"
Christy stated, "Sometimes I do say things like, you made me feel so angry.
You made me slam the door or you make me so happy!" By verbalizing her thoughts
in this manner, Christy was able to see that she was shifting the responsibility
of her emotions onto Jason and onto her parents at times, as mentioned earlier.
I
found it helpful with Christy to introduce what I call, "Responsible-For-Your-Own-Feelings-Basics."
Here's how this intervention works. The fact is, one person can't transplant feelings
into another person. So, Power-Imbalance question #3 for your client who feels
he or she is unlovable is, "Do you make your significant other responsible
for your feelings?"
Question #4 - Symbiosis vs. Independence in Relationships
With the "Responsible for your own feelings basics" in mind, let's look
at power-imbalance question #4 regarding symbiotic relationships. I asked Christy,
"Do you see Jason as a person separate from you? An individual with his own
needs and goals?"Christy stated, "Sometimes I do say things like, you made me feel so angry.
You made me slam the door or you make me so happy!" By verbalizing her thoughts
in this manner, Christy was able to see that she was shifting the responsibility
of her emotions onto Jason and onto her parents at times, as mentioned earlier.
Have you found that clients tend to gravitate
toward situations that mirror childhood experiences? For example, Christy tends
to get into relationships with men who take over and control situations so she
can depend on them to make the decisions about daily life and direction.
Christy
stated,"I keep thinking the next relationship will be different. But it never
is. It's like I'm doomed to have the same relationship over and over again, just
with different players." Someone who has learned to think of himself or herself
as a victim might become involved with a victimizer. Exploring this pattern helped
Christy to realize that she has choices in the types of relationships and structure
of relationships that she's involved in. Power-imbalance question #4 helped Christy
to understand a common relationship pitfall: lack of separateness and the creation
of a symbiotic or co-dependent relationship.
Ask
yourself in the next session you have with your client who feels he or she is
unlovable, "Would it be beneficial to review any of these four power-imbalance
questions of: meta-messages, cause and effect logic, responsibility for your own
feelings, and symbiosis vs. independence in relationships?"
In
the next track we'll discuss methods of coping with the Lifetrap of depression,
and using the Cake and Icing Principle as a way of addressing client's needs vs.
wants for finding closure.
Peer-Reviewed Journal Article References:
Cross, E. J., Overall, N. C., Low, R. S. T., & McNulty, J. K. (2019). An interdependence account of sexism and power: Men’s hostile sexism, biased perceptions of low power, and relationship aggression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 117(2), 338–363.
Overall, N. C., Hammond, M. D., McNulty, J. K., & Finkel, E. J. (2016). When power shapes interpersonal behavior: Low relationship power predicts men’s aggressive responses to low situational power. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 111(2), 195–217.
Rudolph, A., Schröder-Abé, M., & Schütz, A. (2020). I like myself, I really do (at least right now): Development and validation of a brief and revised (German-language) version of the State Self-Esteem Scale. European Journal of Psychological Assessment, 36(1), 196–206.
Schmid, P. C. (2018). Less power, greater conflict: Low power increases the experience of conflict in multiple goal settings. Social Psychology, 49(1), 47–62.
Online Continuing Education QUESTION
6
What are the four power imbalance questions? To select and enter your
answer go to .
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