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Three ways costs outweigh benefits are:
# 3 The Cost of Deliberately Opposing
Unlike Zachary who was in to avoidant behavior, David was what he termed a "rule breaker." He was having problems with his boss Stephanie. David stated angrily, "I didn't put the required personnel memo into Juan's folder. I just didn't think it was necessary. I assumed getting the work done was more important than following Stephanie's rule about the memo. As the department manager, isn't that my decision to make? Besides, we all know rules are made to be broken."
In talking further with David, it became obvious David felt that the benefits of disregarding Stephanie's rules or requirement about the memo created a feeling of control in his own life. David's need for control outweighed the cost of the reprimand he received for his failure to put the memo in Juan's folder. When I asked him why he felt a need for this control, he stated, "My supervisor, Stephanie, is always trying to tell me how to do my job, how to act and how to 'be a better person.' I'm my own person; I'll do things the way I want."
Take a minute to think of your "David," whose need for control creates a Lifetrap of Deliberate Opposition which results in a feeling of "I'm Unlovable." What's your therapeutic strategy with your "David?"
Ellis' Rational Emotive Therapy
The Activating Experience
He believed Stephanie felt that he was inadequate, however what he was really doing was transplanting his own beliefs as being Stephanie's beliefs. By transplanting his personal beliefs to Stephanie, David was then able to justify continuing his Deliberately Opposing behavior. Think of a client you're currently treating, would examination of the B, Beliefs, be beneficial?
Consequences of Belief
Disputing Irrational Beliefs
Ask yourself, with a client who is caught in the lifetrap of deliberately opposing and feels they're unlovable, where do you draw the line of client confrontation so as not to risk alienating the client? Here is how I drew this line with David. I said to David, "Do you think it's possible that Stephanie was trying to give you information she felt essential for the smooth running of your department?"
David responded, "I guess that could be. I hadn't really thought about it that way. She reminds me of my mother who always laid down the law to me and my dad. You know the kind of thing mothers say, 'Scrape your feet before coming in, use a napkin, and all that b.s. I just react from the gut, just like when I was little, whenever I feel like someone is ordering me around."
On this track, we discussed Ellis' Rational Emotive Therapy (that is: explaining the activating experience, discussing beliefs held about the activating experience, examining the consequences of those beliefs, and disputing irrational beliefs) helped David who had fallen into a Deliberately Opposing pattern with Stephanie, his supervisor. RET helped David better understand how his adversarial actions reinforced his basic view of life that he was unlovable.
In the next track we will discuss presenting Affirmations to clients in a three-tiered format.
Online Continuing Education QUESTION
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