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On the last track, we discussed Explaining Adoption from Ages Sixteen to Nineteen. This included late adolescent's perception of adoption, the "Be There" technique and searching for the birth parents.
Have you found, as I have, that certain events can trigger anger or sadness in adopted children?
On this track, we will discuss Trigger Times for Grief in Adopted Children. This will include birthdays, Mother’s Day, the recognition technique, moving, and the "control in a small way" technique.
Valerie, age 35, came to me about her adopted son Owen, age 8. Valerie stated, "Owen’s birthday is in early May, and I have noticed that he gets really depressed and sad around this time. I’ll ask him what kind of a party he wants, and he says he doesn’t want one. He’ll just go into his room and isolate himself for hours! It has occurred to me that he may feel depressed about not being with his birth mother, since it is close to Mother’s Day, but why would he be depressed on his birthday?"
Trigger #1 - Birthdays
Trigger #2 - Mother’s Day
Are you currently treating the parents of an adopted child? Would suggesting having their child make holiday cards be beneficial? Would playing this track in your next session be beneficial?
Trigger #3 - Moving
Michelle came to me regarding her adopted daughter, Theresa, age 12. Michelle stated, "My husband works for an insurance company, and he just got a promotion. In order to accept this promotion, however, our family will have to move. I tried to talk to Theresa about moving, and she totally freaked out! Theresa yelled at me that her dad and I wanted to take her away from her friends and school and everything she loved! I tried to tell Theresa that this wasn’t true! We are only trying to create a better life for her, but she doesn’t seem to understand!"
I explained that Theresa’s fear might result from the earlier separation experience with her birth family. I suggested that Michelle try to help Theresa to keep in touch with her friends in the area during the move to help Theresa feel a sense of stability.
Technique: Control in a Small Way
Do you have a Michelle whose adopted child is struggling with moving? Might he or she benefit from hearing this track?
On this track, we have discussed Trigger Times for Grief in Adopted Children. This has included birthdays, Mother’s Day, the recognition technique, moving, and the "control in a small way" technique.
On the next track, we will discuss Core Issues for Adoptive Parents. These core issues will include loss, shame, rejection and the acknowledgement technique.
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