The two biggest mistakes that teachers make when trying to discipline
children are these: Too Much Talking and Too Much Emotion. As we just saw,
thinking of kids as little adults and then talking and  chattering too much is
bad because it either doesn't work or it takes you through the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell
Syndrome. In addition, too much talking and explaining makes kids less likely
to cooperate because it irritates and distracts them.
Why is
too much emotion destructive? Don't people today tell you to "let it all
hang out" and show your feelings? "Express yourself and don't keep it
all inside" is the advice of the moment.
Is this a good
suggestion if you are working with children? One-half of it is good advice and
the other half is not. The good half is this: If you are feeling positively toward
a child, by all means let it show. Praise your students for their constructive
and conscientious behavior and give them a pat on the shoulder. This kind of action
helps with Step 3 of the discipline job: maintaining healthy relationships with
your children.
The bad half of the don't-keep-it-all-inside
advice, though, applies to times when you are irritated or angry with a child.
"Letting it all hang out" at these moments can be a problem, because
when we adults are mad we often do the wrong thing. Angry adults can yell, scream,
belittle and nag. 1-2-3 Magic is as much a control on adult anger as it is a control
on children's behavior. Uncontrolled expression of any teacher's aggravation is
not a good idea.
There is another reason why too much emotion
can interfere with effective teaching. When they are little, kids feel inferior.
They feel inferior because they are inferior. They are smaller, less privileged,
less intelligent, less skillful, less responsible and less of just about everything
than adults and older kids. And this "lessness" bugs them a lot. They
don't like it. They do like to feel they are powerful and capable of making some
mark on the world.
If you watch two-year-olds, you will see
that they want to be like the five-year-olds, who can do more neat things. The
five-year-olds, in turn, want to be like the ten-year-olds. And the ten-year-olds
want to be like you; they want to drive cars and use credit cards! They want to
have some impact on the world and to make things happen.
Have
you ever seen a small child go down to a lake and throw rocks in the water? Children
can do that for hours, partly because the big splashes are a sign of their impact.
They are the ones causing all the commotion.
What does throwing
rocks in the water have to do with what happens in school? Simple. If your little
pupil can get big old you all upset, your upset is the big splash for him. Getting
you upset makes the child feel powerful. His reacting this way does not mean that
he has no conscience and that he is going to grow up to be a professional criminal.
It's just a normal childhood feeling: Having all that power temporarily rewards-
or feels good to-the inferior part of the child. Teachers who say, "It drives
me absolutely crazy when she taps her pencil constantly!! Why does she do that?!"
may have already answered the question. She may do that-at least partly-because
it drives the teachers crazy.
An important rule is this:
If you have a child who is doing something you don't like, get very upset about
it on a regular basis and, sure enough, she'll repeat it for you. You will get
more of what you pay attention to, so it is important to minimize the attention
paid to negative behavior and maximize the attention paid to positive behavior.
When
it comes to discipline, therefore, it is important to be consistent, decisive
and calm. So what we recommend in 1-2-3 Magic is that you apply-during moments
involving conflict or discipline-what we call the "No-Talking and No-Emotion"
rules. Since we're all human, these two rules really mean very little talking
and very little emotion. This point, though, is absolutely critical to your effectiveness.
There are discipline systems other than the 1-2-3, but you will ruin any of them
by talking too much and getting too excited. These two mistakes, of course, usually
go hand in hand, and the emotion involved is usually anger.
Some
teachers can turn off the talking and the emotional upset like a faucet, especially
once they see how effective it is to keep quiet at the right times. Other adults
need to practice looking bored or disinterested when their kids are acting up.
And still other adults have to ferociously bite their tongues to get the job done.
We once saw a T-shirt that had this printed on the front: "Help me-I'm talking
and I can't stop!" Lots of teachers have to remind themselves over and over
and over again that talking, arguing, yelling and screaming actually make things
worse in the classroom. These "tactics" merely blow off steam for a
few seconds. If, after a month to six weeks of using 1-2-3 Magic, you find that
you can't shake these troublesome habits, it may be time for a friendly consultation
with the school psychologist, social worker or an outside therapist.
- Phelan
PhD, Thomas and Sarah Jane Schonour, MA, "1-2-3 Magic for Teachers: Effective
Classroom Discipline Pre-K through Grade 8", ParentMagic, Inc: Illinois,
2004.
Personal
Reflection Exercise #9
The preceding section contained information
about the two biggest discipline mistakes. Write three case study examples regarding
how you might use the content of this section in your practice.
Peer-Reviewed Journal Article References:
Dadds, M. R., & Tully, L. A. (2019). What is it to discipline a child: What should it be? A reanalysis of time-out from the perspective of child mental health, attachment, and trauma. American Psychologist, 74(7), 794–808.
Flouri, E., & Midouhas, E. (2017). Environmental adversity and children’s early trajectories of problem behavior: The role of harsh parental discipline. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(2), 234–243.
Forcino, S. S., Nadler, C. B., & Roberts, M. W. (2019). Parent training for middle childhood conduct problems: Child opposition to timeout and token fines. Practice Innovations, 4(1), 1–12.
Smetana, J., Robinson, J., Bourne, S. V., & Wainryb, C. (2019). “I didn’t want to, but then I told”: Adolescents’ narratives regarding disclosure, concealment, and lying. Developmental Psychology, 55(2), 403–414.
Online Continuing Education QUESTION
23
According to Phelan, what are the two biggest discipline mistakes?
Record the letter of the correct answer the .
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