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the last track, we discussed the techniques of Redefining Relationships and Reparenting
as ways to reduce shame that can be the basis of depression.
Bill, a 40-year-old construction manager, came to see me, he was deeply in denial of his feelings. He had, in fact, in the past a major depressive episode. However,
upon recognizing signs of a relapse, Bill sought treatment. During our first session,
he stated he knew he was a perfectionist, but that it didn't seem to be a problem.
and Physical Keys for Shame
Cognitive keys for shame include being inarticulate, feeling helpless in trying to explain himself, experiencing the panicky awareness of having his mind "go blank," noticing when somebody else is using shaming rules on him, and noticing when he is using the shaming rules on either himself or somebody else.
Finally, physical keys for shame include averting his eyes, keeping his head down, feeling his face flush or his cheeks turn red, feeling his ears burn, shuddering involuntarily, feeling tight in the throat or chest, feeling his speech stick in his throat or halt without resonance and power, and feeling his gut go rigid or begin to churn.
To your client, it seems natural that when even one of these emotional, cognitive, or physical manifestations of shame is triggered in your client's body, he begins to look for reasons why. But for your depressed male client who has dissociated from his feelings and who often denies emotions he doesn't want to feel, he has become numb to them. That's why I like to review this list of the three keys of emotional keys, cognitive keys, and physical keys to men who have trouble recognizing when they are ashamed.
What Situations Bring out Feelings of Shame?
Do you have a client who could better recognize his shame by going through this list of emotional, cognitive, and physical manifestations of shame? Consider sharing it with him in your next session.
In the next track, we will discuss forgiveness and healing masculine depression.
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