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On the last track, we discussed sharing about physical and sexual abuse. This included preschool age, early elementary age, middle school age and beyond.
On this track, we will discuss sharing with the adopted child regarding rape and incest. First, we will discuss sharing about rape. This will include the early years, middle school years and beyond, the word "rape," and the "tape recorder" technique. Disclosing the circumstances of a child's birth if those circumstances involved rape or incest is not usually an easy task.
Sharing with the Adopted Child about Rape
#1 The Early Years
I suggested that Calvin and Claudia begin to talk to Willy about his birth using the Life-book Technique, which we discussed on Track 10.
#3 The Word "Rape"
I stated, "You may not want to use the word 'rape' until you are certain that Willy understands its meaning. I have found that this usually occurs developmentally around early adolescence. However, you may want to be careful about not waiting too long to tell Willy, in case he finds out the truth from another source first. If that happens, Willy will be deprived of your parental strength and support in coping with the harsh reality. Willy may also then have a new truth added to his map of reality, that Mom and Dad cannot be wholly trusted."
Technique: Tape Recorder
Do you have a Calvin or Claudia who might benefit from hearing this track in your next session? Now that we've discussed Sharing Rape, we will discuss Sharing About Incest. This will include, again, the Early Years, Middle School Years and Beyond.
Sharing with the Adopted Child about Incest
I stated, "The Life-book can simply reflect in Cassie's early years that the birth father was a member of the birth mother's family. Another possibility is to include a physical or ethnic history of the father in a way that leads to the logical assumption that the birth father and birth mother shared the same family. The Life-book during Cassie's early years can include information that is truthful yet simple, so that the information can be expanded as Cassie gets older. Information can be written in ways that make it easy for Cassie to develop further questions to be developed as she gets older, such as providing that the birth mother and birth father came from the same family."
#2 Middle School Years and Beyond
Have you found, as I have, that early teen years can be used for educating a child about the causes of rape or incest within a family? I have found that this can be done by visiting support groups or victim advocate groups, continuing with counseling, or researching the topic in the library or on the Internet. Both children and teens can learn that rape is about anger and control of others, and that incest is about extreme family dysfunction. Both of these issues could be related to other forms of physical abuse, anger and control, lack of boundaries, or to an adult incapable of developing intimacy with other adults.
Do you have an Albert or a Diana whose adopted child was conceived as the result of incest? Might he or she benefit from hearing this track?
On this track, we have discussed Sharing About Rape and Incest. This has included the Early Years, Middle School Years and Beyond, The Word "Rape," and The "Tape Recorder" Technique.
On the next track, we will discuss Seven Steps of the Negative Spiral toward adoptive dissolution, whether legal or emotional. This will include the honeymoon, diminishing pleasures, the child is the problem, going public, the turning point, the deadline or ultimatum, the final crisis ends the adoptive relationship and the “Adoption Communication Survey.”
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